Tune into Your Teen

The sad news of Rutgers freshman student, Tyler Clementi taking his own life after his insensitive and seemingly homophobic roommate left a hidden camera inside their shared dorm room, and loaded a personal & intimate encounter for the world to see on the internet, has sent shock waves throughout the country.

There are thousands of 18 to 19 year old college freshman nation wide that are coming to terms with their sexuality and many feel they have no one to talk to and suffer in silence. Sadly Tyler felt so humiliated and tormented he ended his pain in suicide. I'm so saddened and angry this happened.

My heart breaks for this young man's family, and my prayers are with them and for Tyler's soul to be at peace. God bless him and many others who could not come to terms with their sexuality and got bullied into death.

I'm concerned about the relationships we parents have with our young adult children. I am very proud of who my two kids, 24 and 20 years old have grown to become, and I'd like to believe that they were raised feeling they could be whoever they choose to be without judgment or criticism. Our kids need to feel they can come to us as parents and tell us whatever is troubling them, and ask whatever questions they have and we answer them with direct honesty, because if we do not, they will find out from their peers, and chances are positively they will not get healthy answers.

Parents must take an active interest in their teens and spend real time with them, and listen to them with open acceptance. I remember feeling very weird and out of place as a teen, and I can only imagine how much more I would have felt if I knew I was gay and couldn't talk to my parents, and were afraid or what my own peers would think and lived with that secret. This is too much for any human being to bear alone.

Parents also need to engage their teens friends as well, and if your teen is gay, allow them to live their lifestyle openly without prejudice, and they will learn to accept themselves and navigate in society in a healthy way. No child should be subjected to hiding their sexuality whatever it is period. Parents need to be close enough to openly ask questions and talk about problems they are having in high school and college, but far enough away so they can begin making decisions for themselves.

I'd love to see an organization modeled after "Planned Parenthood" where as a teen I went for answers and counseling, and in this same way a place for gay teens to go for answers and counseling, because who they are as sexual beings is a very personally intense subject to express as young teens, and as they cross into this time of life whether gay or straight they need help at times when parents can't give them what they need. It's too late for some, but we need to try to help all that we can.

I pray this doesn't happen to another young person ever again, and that all people will respect each others differences no matter what their sexuality is, and learn to love and accept each other.