The Road From Youth to Adulthood

Recently I had a discussion about young teenage girls with a dad that is worried that his daughter is overly hung up on boys! "Oh really?" I replied. I remember my youth and how my dad worried, or at least I think he was, but I do remember him being overbearing to the point where I rebelled and made a mess of my teenage years.

I told him to trust in what he instilled in his daughter, pray and let go of the controlling. Truth is as parents we can't control much. Everyday there is a new gadget, reality show or language that we as an older generation can't even understand, never mind control, so let it go parents!

Instead lets focus on what's going on in their world, the teens we love so much and be available to talk and listen openly. I believe in telling kids the truth straight up about what's going on. I'll tell a girl that boys will come and go, and the ones you have crushes on now you'll probably dislike by the end of high school, so choose your friendships wisely and don't be pressured into doing anything you know your not ready for especially sex. Cherish your young bodies.

Teens now are facing a host of intensely challenging things in their lives, and they like to think they have all the answers and they can deal with it on their own. They don't realize what they need yet, and parents need to provide the guidance and help in a way that doesn't seem to be an order you give or controlling. I by no means am saying be your teens buddy, but the reality is the teen needs a parent/friend combination, and it is up to the parent to walk the line. There is much at stake to not take the lives they are living in seriously. It's not secret that Teen pregnancy is rising, as well as the highest new cases of HIV infection is among our teenagers. This is very frightening to me as a parent.

I allowed my kids when they were growing up to be themselves, even though they drove me insane much of the time. My daughter thought she was a runway model and made more laundry to clean than most families in a month! My son was very sensitive about stupid things, and sloppy and the combination confused and strangely delighted me. I loved the diversity, but they knew who was the boss as young kids. The problems came when they were teenagers in high school navigating through the peer pressure, what they watched on television, the images in videos, video games and the awful music (just my opinion!) they listen to now!

I told my friend that there are a few key things that must be discussed with his teenage daughter. If a positive relationship and values have been instilled early on, your teen won't have a problem following rules and respecting herself and others.

Principles to live by are:

• Tune into your teen. Show interest in what they are doing and who they are doing it with.

• Spend time together regularly doing things that your teen enjoys

• Talk openly and honestly about everything, from drug use and including sex and sexually transmitted diseases. If you as the parent can talk about it, then your teen will be more likely to relax and ask questions. Better to come from you than a classmate.
  
• Always use positive communication skills, especially when there is conflict.
• Think before you speak to your teen. Come from a place of understanding and not judgment
• Acknowledge your teens point of view and respect it
• Acknowledge the positive qualities about your teen, as this will inspire a healthy sense of self esteem
• Lastly guide them by example, show them how by doing. If you drink too much, use profanity daily , sleep around and disrespect yourself, how will a teenager you are suppose to raise know any better!

Our teenagers need us to step up and be parents now more than ever, but we must learn the art of finesse to guide them along their journey into adulthood. I wish my friend well as his daughter begins her freshman year in high school!!

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Teens need a degree of space, along with boundaries, but at the same time a parent should know what they're doing as it is a parents responsibility as a parent. However if the teen feels like you do not trust him/her, they will not trust you, the parent. Period." (a teen posted this on a teen site)

Powerful words coming directly from a teen!