Suffering in Silence

A few days ago I was walking around my neighborhood when I walked past a young woman, a college student. I would have walked on had I not noticed her face was bruised and she looked broken inside. I immediately turned and asked her was she alright or could I help her. That is my natural instinct to help.

She turned so I had a clear view of the swelling on her face, results of a busted lip she had suffered. I knew she'd been hit and I suspected this was done by someone close to her and I became angry and agitated. She said that she appreciated that I took the time to ask her if she was ok and talking was a huge help to her. She went on to explain that she and her boyfriend in college had a big fight, she caused it and he hit her. "He didn't mean to hurt me", she said to play down the situation. I guess she could see in my eyes that I wasn't good with the way her face looked.

She continued talking randomly that she was afraid to back to the college campus where he was, that people were talking, some wanted her to go to the campus police and report the incident. She is too scared to report it, because he'll get really mad and hurt her worse! She said lowering her head, that she is confused and several times stated that she loves him and blames herself.  I recognize the excuses we make when we're so hurt emotionally that someone we love would batter us in anger.

"What would I do if this happened to me?", she said with tears in her eyes.

I look at her and empathize. I try not to put myself back in that place of being a victim as I was in the past, but rather a helping hand and keep my personal feelings out of it. I recognize that she needs someone like me to lead her in a safe and positive direction. I deeply believe that God put each one of us here to help each other throughout this thing we call life.  I take a breath and suggest that some professional support is needed. I tell her that she has options, places where she can go and get the support from trained pro's who know just what to do.

She still looks confused and in shock, not convinced she said, "where do I start?" At this point I feel sharing a little of my personal experience will help her to not feel like she is the only person this happened to. I share that I was abused by someone I loved, married, had two children with and until I acknowledged that I'd been abused in the relationship I could not get the help I needed to stop the abuse. After I told someone I was physically assaulted by my husband I learned more about the cycle of abuse and found that I'd also been verbally and emotionally abused and thought that was normal. This may be the norm in society but is is not acceptable! It's abuse whether your loved ones puts their hands on you or just screams at you, it is pure and simple abuse! I urge her to not make excuses for him, and put a mirror into her hand so she can see her face battered and bruised. She looked and began to cry, and handed me back the mirror and said, "where do I go for help?"

I gave her a list of websites and direct numbers to assist her with her need for help. We exchanged numbers as I told her I would listen anytime she needed, hugged and I walked away feeling good.

If you see someone battered and abused, don't look away and simply say "oh that poor girl, what happened to her?", but rather put yourself in their shoes even if you haven't been there yourself, just imagine being hit, kicked or punched by someone you love. That's all it should take to provoke a response to help. We need to say to ourselves, can I do anything to help....perhaps just listening can turn a life around and end the cycle of abuse in our High Schools, College Campuses, Apartment complexes and in our home neighborhoods.

With a simple act of kindness we all can reach out and touch someone and make our world a better place if we just try. Here is a list of places for support that is doing great work to end the silent crime of domestic abuse.

• National Domestic Hotline #800-799-7233, www.NDVH.org

• Breakcycle,org, Loveisrespect,org (sites for teens)

• www.safehorizon.org

• www.vinelink.com

• Amys Courage fund (nnedv.org.projects)

• Face to Face (800-842-4546) this program provides free plastic & reconstructive surgery tp victims of abuse sustained to the face, head or neck.

• Give Back a Smile (800-773-4227) Front teeth damaged by a violent partner or spouse are repaired pro bono.

• www.cherylewallace.com for any questions or a safe place to share your feelings.