Relationship Agendas

A few days ago I was having a discussion with my partner. I was talking about how people go into a relationship with an agenda. I told him that when I was a young girl I always dreamed of finding a good man, we would fall in love and get married and have a big family. I went into the relationship wanting a loving partner that would look out for my best interests and me for his. We would take care of each other and be the best of friends until the end. I'm sorry to say that did not happen for me, and now that I am older I realize that we both entered into the relationship with our own agendas for our lives which turned out to be very different.

His story was pretty much the same. He wanted a family and he wanted to be the head of the family and unfortunately that did not work out for him.

I told him that as I meet people and listen to their experiences in relationships i hear a common theme...women and men do not want a traditional relationship, or at least they don't start out looking for that. He fired back saying that women especially have switched the roles and have taken the lead in relationships, many only wanting sex from a man.

I hear men say they want an independent woman that has or is making her own money and doesn't want to be the one who makes plans for when they go out and do things together. Men are looking for women with a slight attitude or edginess about herself, that stands up for herself and knows exactly what she wants and does not hesitate to go after it. Men want women that will be on top rather than them always being the dominate one.

Women on the other hand want a man that is adventurous and highly sexual. Many are joining singles clubs for the specific reason of hooking up for "no strings attached" sex. They are no longer dreaming of the man, kids and white picket fence. They have been burned in the past and their "too nice" persona is gone for good. Women know what they want and are not afraid to make the first move in being with a man. Many are not concerned with the amount of money a man has, because they are making plenty of their own. They would rather have a man that can hold an erection for longer than 30 minutes.

When I met my partner, I went in with the attitude that I didn't want anything serious. I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship, only casual dating. He agree and said much the same thing. We had both gone through really bad endings to very long relationships in the past and did not want to put our hearts on the line. We both had severe trust issues that we needed to work through and were on guard. Two months after out first lunch date we were together as much as possible and ended up moving in together. Our minds and hearts changed greatly.

It's been almost 5 years since we first met and I can tell you that as much as we both had our own idea of how things would work, it changed as we got to know each other and eventually love each other. Our agendas came together and although there have been ups & downs we've managed to work through them together and I think most people that head into a relationship change their way of thinking once they take the wall down and get to know one another. Once the agendas are put away men and women become free and nature takes over.

I'm mystified how humans come to decide the things they do, and I wonder how nature works so quietly to change the ways we end up doing things we intended to do another way. I am grateful that nature is stronger than our preconceived agendas and expectations.